It is my goal that I do not fall. Falling to me would spike an alert in all people, friends and medical, that I cannot live independently so I pride myself on not falling. This means I may sit on the floor of my shower to bathe.
“Why don’t you get a shower chair?” People ask, constantly.
Because sitting on the floor works fine, thank you. (also secretly, I would think it’s safer than rocking off of or out of a shower chair). And there is that niggling thought in my head that sitting on the floor is “less” disabling than a shower chair. I know. Terrible of me to think this, but also 100% typical from everything I’ve read about in my college years on disabilities studies, and 100% validated when I was younger watching my professor navigate a grocery store on crutches verses her chair. Crutches are “temporary”. Sitting on the floor of the shower is “temporary”.
Now, I will get up and sit “gracefully” because my legs fail, but it is slow, it is gentle and I don’t get bruises. I will drag my hand along the wall of a school to stay balanced. I will walk with my walker and nearly tip over but right myself with the walker’s four “legs” (a reason those arm crutches wouldn’t work for me). I’ve often thought of a Great Dane as being a fantastic service dog for me should I start to tip over… but I digress.
So Friday, I go flying out of the high school front door, mask on, computer in hand, glasses slightly fogged up and WHAM. I realize for a split second that I’m going to fall. I believe I have missed a step. And sure enough, computer goes flying and I am down. I roll over, feel the pain start, and frantically try and calm my brain so it doesn’t start spazzing due to the “pain” trigger. I really do not wish for the cars passing by that witnessed the fall, pull over and then think I’m having a seizure. So I pull out my phone to call a friend to distract my brain, but no answer. The ankle is pissed. The knees hurt like the devil. But, as I sit there, butt freezing on the frozen New England floor, I realize, huh. I haven’t spazzed.
Look at me! I am NOT SPAZZING!
This hasn’t happened, um, ever? I’d like to think this is due to the fact I’m so freaking cold (it’s 11 degrees out) that my brain/body connection is dragging. So up I get, and slowly collect the non-broken computer, and head back in towards the school to assess the damage.
Now, does this ruin my track record? Nope. This was NOT neurological. This was a nice reminder that masks + foggy glasses are not a good combo for someone who does well to see where her feet are landing.
This was like 100% typical person falling.
I’ve worn contacts every day since.